amaebi (amaebi) wrote,

Youthful ambition fulfilled

When I was in my first year of university, I wanted to have as little effect on the world as possible, and worked on that for at least two months. And then, one night, as I worked late on neglected homework, I look out the window across the courtyard at the lighted windows across the way, and thought of all those other students, so close. Some also working on homework. Some macking on others. Some gathered in groups for this or that, probably more or less anxious about their statuses and roles and leverage. How like a beehive, I thought. And all of us so close to each other.

I gave up on that ambition, and later thought how I sucked t it anyway.

I wonder, if I'd been reliably informed at the time that all I needed to do to fulfill it was to live into my fifties, how I would have felt and responded?

ETA: Except for the continuing expectations that I will clear up after people and facilitate their Important Adventures.

ETA': I appreciate the three kind comments I've received. I should specify that while this isn't a super-delighted post, it's made primarily because when I suddenly thought of this a couple of days ago I thought it was funny. Bitterly funny, but funny.
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